When life goes pear-shaped

When things go pear-shaped, you’ll be surprised - in a good way, sometimes, but not always - by who’s there for you. 

It’s been one of my life’s hardest lessons. 

“You’ve got the friends who don’t know what to do but jump into action anyway. And, you’ve got the friends who don’t know what to do, so they avoid you like the plague.”

Kim Murray at widow411.com sums it up perfectly.

When I was at my saddest, losing two babies in quick succession to neonatal death and stillbirth, I wasn’t easy to be around. To counter the lack of control I’d experienced, the utter powerlessness, I began to micromanage, obsessing over the details of the most inconsequential of situations. Sometimes, powered by nervous energy, I would pass for being high-functioning, happy, healed. But, in a heartbeat, my mood would plummet. Confusing those around me. Confusing me.

There were people who surprised me, though. Arranging stuff knowing I’d likely bail at the last minute. Messaging to say they’d been passing my house and had left tubs of food on the doorstep. Listening without flinching as, in an attempt to process, I verbalised a loop of frightened thoughts.  And then the brave friend. Acknowledging, years later, that she hadn’t stepped up enough. And both of us realising: it’s never too late to salvage a friendship worth saving.